Islamic love guru from the United Arab Emirates urges women to enjoy sex

Emirati love guru Widad Lootah is not your typical marriage counsellor. She is an ultra-conservative Muslim who wears a full veil and talks a lot about sex, often quoting from the Koran. On the eve of Valentine's Day, Lootah is calling on Muslim and Arab women everywhere to “embrace love and lovemaking”. “Don't shy away from it, don't be ashamed of it. Enjoy it, you should,” she said in an interview with AFP, adding that she is trying to dispel the common misconception that sex in Islam is only about producing children. “It's also about having fun,” she said. Clad in a black shroud that only reveals her eyes – a choice she says allows her to emulate the wives of the Muslim prophet – Lootah spoke openly and bluntly about the importance Islam places on a healthy sex life. “It is the core” of a happy marriage, she said. Lootah noted that in her 11 years as a marriage counselor at the Dubai court, she has come to realize that “what happens (or doesn't happen) in bed” is the main cause of marital problems in the UAE. Public and, in many cases, private discussions about sex are still taboo in much of the conservative Muslim world, a reality she says runs counter to Islam's approach to the subject. There are only two simple rules for sex in Islam: You must be married “and anal sex is strictly forbidden,” Lootah said. “Everything else, including any sexually intimate act below the belly button, is allowed. Groping each other, touching each other, kissing each other anywhere… it's OK.” The problem, she said, is that there is “so much shame and disgrace” attached to the enjoyment of sex in the Arab world. Lootah is a staunch advocate of open discussion about sex, although this has sometimes proven risky. In 2009, she published the much-discussed Muslim sex guide, Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples. Her book and her statements on the subject in interviews initially sparked a flood of insults, condemnation and even death threats. “They called me everything: crazy, mean, immoral, criminal,” she said. “Some even called me a traitor and a spy for Israel and America.” Today, Lootah is probably the best-known marriage counselor in the UAE, known to her clients as “Mama Widad.” Lootah has also campaigned vigorously for the government of her hometown to introduce sex education classes in Emirati schools. For older teenagers, “it's very important that we educate them, men and women, about sex… we need to prepare them psychologically and emotionally for it and we need to educate them about the act itself.” But first, “we need to train the teachers so they can teach the students,” Lootah said, adding that such training would also help protect young children from sex predators. They need to be “taught what kind of adult-child interaction is appropriate and what is not,” she said. “We need to educate them so they recognize the danger when it's there.” She said the taboos surrounding sex have also contributed to high divorce rates in the Emirates and generally unhappy marriages. In about a month, Lootah plans to submit her second book, “Top Secret Volume Two,” to state censors, and in traditional Lootah fashion, it will talk a lot about sex. But this time, it's about forbidden sex in Islam. “It's about gay and lesbian relationships and their impact on the institution of marriage,” Lootah said, adding that she had to tread carefully given the sensitivity of the issue and the intense emotions it evokes in the Muslim world. Asked why she was advocating for love and sex in Islam, Lootah said it was about “women's rights.” “I can't change everything… but I can try to change the role of women (in sex and marriage) in the Arab world.” As for her opinion on Valentine's Day, she says Islam prohibits the celebration of non-Muslim holidays. “But if you just see Valentine's Day as a reminder to show your love to someone, then why not? I have nothing against it,” she said. But “if that's the case, then every day should be Valentine's Day.” Any final advice? “Experience love… even before marriage, that's OK. But don't do anything that Islam prohibits.”