The tragic death of Graham Thorpe and what we need to learn about men and depression

BWatching Graham Thorpe at the peak of his powers, in the 100 Test matches in which he represented England as a formidable batsman, was a wonderful experience. In the first Test against Australia in 1997, for example, he slashed, cut and slashed his way through a powerful attack.

Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath were the best bowlers in the world, but Thorpe beat them with such elegance and skill that commentator Richie Benaud remarked during Thorpe's first 50 runs: “There was hardly a moment when Graham Thorpe looked anything but relaxed.”

From that composure under pressure to this week's horrific news of Thorpe's suicide, it is a tragic journey – one of over 4,000 that desperate men and boys in Britain take each year – and a moment to reflect very seriously on this scourge of our mental health.

Thorpe's professional life was a textbook example of how to handle yourself with absolute strength and drive. He was a pure man, a loving and beloved husband, father and friend, and his taking his life is heartbreaking and touching to me personally.

I have been working in the mental health field for years, conducting interviews, researching and writing about what we know about mental health problems and crises and the progress we are making in understanding and treating the worst of them. This work is very close to my heart: my dear sister took her own life in 2011, and I had a breakdown in 2018 that resulted in me being admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks.

My condolences go out to Thorpe's family. The question that burns deep inside you is: What could anyone have done to prevent this?

Like all mental illnesses, depression is a spectrum. It can be a normal response to an unhappy life situation (even if it doesn't feel like one at all). If you're unhappy in your job or relationship, if you're worried about money and your future, if you're socially isolated and feel terribly alone, then depression is a reasonable response; a message to yourself to make changes.

If you don't manage to do this and don't seek help, it can and does get worse. I believe it was depression like this that plunged my brilliant and beautiful sister Janey into a misery she could not bear and which ended in death.

In an admirable and courageous effort to raise awareness and help combat suicide, Thorpe's family publicly announced that he had been suffering from “depression and anxiety” for several years.

For anyone who knows these monsters, from within or in a loved one, that statement conjures up a world of suffering. Suffering is not relative. Even a brief and explainable encounter with depression feels like pure hell. Battling it for years is an exhausting nightmare. You need the best care and you have to be lucky – and that is not guaranteed even to the rich and well-informed.

The former England cricketer was treated in hospital in 2022. The details are confidential, but it would be normal to give medication to someone in that position. Antipsychotics can even help with severe and delusional conditions. (The doctors sucked my madness out of me with two doses of quetiapine.)

They can act as mood stabilizers for years. Psychiatrists and family doctors also often prescribe antidepressants, which affect neurotransmitters in the brain and can thus lead to an improvement in mood and emotional state.

Medications have helped hundreds of thousands of people and saved their lives. However, psychotropic drugs are not always flawless. It can take weeks for tablets to work, which can be dangerous. And for many, they don't work at all: up to 30 percent of patients experience no significant change. People with similar illnesses react differently to medications, so psychiatrists prescribe drugs based on the “trial, error and side effects” principle.

In fact, you and your doctor are experimenting with your brain and body, looking for a drug that's right for you. But medications don't necessarily work forever. People may take multiple medications at once and struggle with a variety of side effects — which may include suicidal thoughts.

If two different classes of antidepressants don't help, you'll be diagnosed with “treatment-resistant depression,” but there are still treatment options. Therapy can be life-saving, especially trauma therapies like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.

In other countries, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is widely offered. The UK is more reluctant to use it than France, although the success rate of ECT is good. Many psychiatrists say they would choose ECT. However, one patient I interviewed stopped therapy because she could no longer do her job due to the memory loss that ECT can cause.

The problem is the complexity of the human brain. The “Default Mode Network” plays a key role in depression. When you stop focusing on something specific, these background thoughts come from this network. During our worst lows, we experience them as an endless, repetitive drumbeat of despair. Mine are: “You're awful, you're ruining everything, your family is better off without you, you should break up.”

Neuroscientists believe that the Default Mode Network, in which impulses are passed between different structures in the brain, is a physical, electrical and chemical architecture that acts as a circuit for these thoughts.

This may explain how the shock of ECT disrupts them. It also explains the remarkable success of trials with ketamine and psilocybin. These substances, administered clinically, have powerful positive effects on the impulse network circuits and free up thoughts and feelings.

Ketamine and psilocybin may also act as distributors for brain-derived neurotrophic factor proteins, which act as fertilizer on dendrites – growing parts of the brain cells themselves. Both work almost immediately and offer great hope for future depression sufferers.

These advances will save lives, hopefully many lives, but they will do little to change the terrible equation of suicide. While women are more likely to commit suicide, men are more likely to die from it. Three-quarters of all suicides are committed by men; suicide is the leading cause of death among men under 50. Men who are not wealthy and live in poorer areas are most vulnerable.

Research shows that men as a whole are less willing to talk about their problems, less likely to seek help and therefore less likely to receive a diagnosis and treatment. We can do a lot to spread the word about the importance and effectiveness of talking and asking for help, but we need a profound shift in male culture and our thinking.

An alarming 2020 report from the Samaritans found that the men most at risk are also the least likely to use doctors, support groups or community resources. A stubborn part of male instinct seems to believe we should keep fighting alone, and crucifies us when we can't win on our own.

Excellent institutions such as the suicide prevention group Andy's Man Club report that men save their lives and their hopes when they share something with each other. That first visit, which is so hard, makes a huge difference – but when I was last unwell, I couldn't find the courage to do it. I thought I wasn't suicidal enough – a very male notion. I'm so lucky that I've had years of time, information and work to understand and look after my mental health.

Since the pandemic, many of us have become more aware and cautious of our own mental health and the mental health of others. We are teaching each other and our children that this is a normal and adaptable part of life. But the difference between mental health and mental illness is also important.

Most of us will be able to avoid serious mental illnesses like the clinical depression that took the lives of Thorpe and my dear sister. All they ask of us is that we care for one another, honor their memories, and fight on their behalf for more information, funding, research, and ambitious policies to save others from their fate.

Horatio Clare’s new book, Your Journey Your Way: How to Make the Mental Health System Work for You, will be published by Penguin Life on August 29 and is available for pre-order now.

If you feel uncomfortable or have difficulty coping, you can contact the Samaritanconfidentially, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email [email protected] or visit the Samaritans website for details of your nearest branch.

If you live in the United States and you or someone you know needs mental health help right now, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org to access the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline online chat. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline available to anyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are in another country, you can www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you