In Oakland, crime is so out of control that someone stole the rescue shears

We hear a lot about crime stories out of California, but this is not one I ever expected to read about.

Sure, people steal baby formula, razors, and catalytic converters, but it takes a special kind of degenerate criminal to wander away with the Jaws of Life.

Also known as a hydraulic rescue tool, (but Jaws of Life is several thousand times more badass, so we’re going to call it that) it’s used by emergency crews to help cut people out of cars, and that’s what some firefighters in Oakland were using it for last Friday evening, per The Los Angeles Times.

It did its very important job, and then crews set the tool aside, but apparently no one was keeping an eye on it, because it appears that some daring thief decided to swoop in and make off with the fifty-pound tool.

If there are still any people in denial about the crime problem in a lot of California cities, this might be a good time to accept that fact, because that might be the most insane thing I’ve ever heard of anyone stealing.

Don’t get me wrong, it does look like it would be fun to take your Jaws of Life to the junkyard and just rip a couple of rotting Geo chassis apart, but it doesn’t look so fun that I — a law-abiding and very handsome citizen — would steal one from a crew of first responders who are still actively working to help someone who’s in trouble.

A firefighter with rescue shears like the ones stolen in Oakland. (Getty Images)

Besides, it's not like something like that is easy to steal. You can hide a deodorant stick under your hat or in your waistband and no one will notice. How do you get away with a pair of rescue scissors?? It won't fit in your pocket and when people see you carrying it, they'll ask questions. Things like “Where did you get those rescue scissors?” and “Can I use your rescue scissors to cut the parking meter in half?”

Firefighters are trying to track down the thief, and anyone with information is asked to contact Oakland Police.