Nobody recognizes that it is a very intrusive question

DEAR MRS MANNERS: I am a mother of two young children: a 2-year-old girl and a 5-month-old boy. How should I react if someone asks me if I breastfeed them?

I realize that it's 2024 and many people have made tremendous efforts to promote breastfeeding as a best practice for babies and toddlers. I'm also glad that we live in a society where mothers can feel free to breastfeed in public without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.

But people I barely know, both women and men, ask me if I breastfeed my children. I am a pretty private person and don't like to talk about my private parts in front of anyone other than my husband or a doctor.

Although breastfeeding is celebrated today, breasts themselves remain a private part of a woman's body, don't they? To what extent is it polite to ask a mother how she feeds her children?

DEAR READER: Not only is this question outrageously intrusive because it is about your breast (as Miss Manners so sensitively puts it), it is also designed to lead to lectures on the subject – you will be admonished if you do not breastfeed, or you will be further questioned if you do.

Therefore, it deserves a response that is none of your business, such as: “Why? Do you look hungry?”

Oh dear, another snarky reply.

Sometimes Miss Manners hears from Gentle Readers that they prefer to resolve even casual incivility through open expression of everyone's feelings, preferably with the help of therapists. But if we were to analyze and punish every little thoughtlessness, we would hardly have time for anything else.

It's easier to dismiss such things with a flippant remark or, if you prefer, just a shocked look.

DEAR MRS MANNERS: My spouse and I received a generous wedding gift of money from my parents. They presented the gift to us about a month ago when they visited us at home (they live in another state).

When I receive a gift, I usually send a thank you card the next day so I don't forget. In this case, I really can't remember if I sent one or not.

These are my parents, not mere acquaintances. Is it acceptable to ask them if they have already received a message from us? Or is it better to send one right away, possibly considering that it could be a duplicate?

DEAR READER: The problem is your checklist. Not that you've forgotten to tick it off, but that you see it as a fixed exchange: a gift, a thank you letter.

Nobody recognizes that it is a very intrusive question

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