“Emily in Paris” – Review, Season 4, Episode 8

Emily in Paris

Back on the Crazy Horse

Season 4

Episode 8

Editor's Rating

4 stars

****

Photo: Stephanie Branchu/Netflix

Mindy is dating a super-rich offspring, which means it's only a matter of time before she finds herself at a polo match. Nothing gets the upper echelons going like equestrianism. Emily is wearing a mauve and pink checkerboard pattern from her bucket hat (nope) to her boots. Very ugly, sorry. Mindy should know exactly how to dress, but her mismatched whites are getting on my nerves, and her pearl beret seems… weird. But someone who's been to polo in real life can tell me if I'm wrong about the appropriate type of attire. Mindy reports her plan to lip-sync her debut at Crazy Horse, thanks to Benoit (ooOOooOh!) for helping with the pre-recording. We all know this is a classic Chekhov lip-sync that will surely end in some kind of Ashlee-on-the-Bowl session.SNL Style disaster.

I'm giving up hope that Emily (just because of the outfit) MARCELLO will come back galloping. I knew he would come back! He is called the “Italian Stallion” and, what can I say? He is friends with Nico. Have you seen Emily St. John Mandels The Glass Hotel? It's excellent and there's this recurring theme that “money is a country”: it doesn't matter where in the world you are; if you're super rich, you're basically always in the same place, with the same people, experiencing the same uninspired, frictionless non-culture. I think about that all the time! It came to mind when Mindy found out Marcello's full bio and he said he and Nico were already friends.

I don't believe for a second that Emily was too “terrified” on the slopes to notice that her rescuer was hot. She does describe him as “pretty heroic,” though, and immediately starts talking to him about work. Here's the thing: If she'd asked him that question on the mountain and he'd given her that sweet “I'm a goatherd” answer, I'd buy her into believing it. But given the context—here I'm gesturing wildly at the polo field, whose residents probably keep at least some of their money in an offshore account—the fact that Emily doesn't immediately realize that he's telling her a little cover story for his actual job is almost unbearably stupid of her. (Plus, it seems like the kind of thing Mindy would have brought to her attention immediately. But whatever.) The important thing is that she tells him she's single, and he essentially says, “I'm glad you're not dating that jerk who left you to die on a mountain,” and asks to see her one more time before he leaves Paris. Yes, please.

Back at the apartment, this poor, beleaguered landlady is having a nervous breakdown because Camille, as is her way, has left without saying goodbye. It is Gabriel's job to find a new tenant, and I don't know how, but I know that Genevieve will be living in this room. Either that, or it will be Benoit. Just as Gabriel's is the only restaurant in Paris, this building is the only apartment in the city, as far as EIP is worried.

The office has a new toy: an espresso machine! It's winter and (I assume) the past on this show, and so no one makes a Sabrina Carptener reference. Instead, we learn what deep down we all already knew: Emily drinks syrupy Starbucks blends that taste like the seasons. I like her masculine look, but why is her jacket gold? Is she a magician? In Vegas? Trying to ferret out Genevieve's underhanded behavior, Emily suggests to this young assistant that it's important to set professional boundaries. Considering that about half of Agence Grateau's clients are people who have or are currently having sex with the staff, it's hard to believe Genevieve will feel compelled to heed this warning. Genevieve needs a place to stay, and Emily catches herself before she can recommend the apartment. Good girl, Emily.

The espresso machine is provided by a new client, Bavazza. Everyone in the office speaks Italian, except Emily. And yet the meeting is in English. Why?? This woman is totally into Luc, and I'm curious if the show decided to completely forget about his girlfriend, who is not a real Michelin judge and recently moved into his houseboat. Just like Emily before her, Genevieve speaks in the meeting at the wrong time to tout Chef Gabriel as part of the campaign. This is so absurd and pointless, and I love that no one in the room tries to make a stronger argument about what makes Gabriel so special other than, “Well, he's hot.” I see we've seen his only good quality. Julien is happy when Emily tries to keep her young protégé under control, who is superior to her when it comes to lying.

But who can be upset about such a thing when, upon returning to her desk, Emily discovers a box from Umberto Muratori, a cashmere brand so chic that even Sylvie is impressed. And lo and behold, Emily's goatherd is Marcello Muratori, the heir to this particular fortune. “Wearing this is a sign that you have exquisite taste,” says Sylvie. “So why did Marcello send it to you?”

Over in Mindyland, the third band member is completely shut out of the Eurovision photoshoot—his job is a thankless one—so that Benoit and Mindy can lean in for an almost-kiss. Mindy is wearing… a breastplate/necklace that looks like the outline of real breasts with pearls for nipples? A nod to her work at Crazy Horse, perhaps? This all looks crazy, although I think Eurovision might be the only place where Mindy's preferred more-is-more outfit is workplace-appropriate.

That night, Nico changes his mind and shows up to the Crazy Horse show to be a good, supportive boyfriend. I hate Emily's peplum, but I respect her flashy makeup. Due to the laws of Chekhov's lip sync, the audio doesn't work, so Mindy has to perform a very strategic choreography instead, almost a slapstick number about hiding her tits, which goes down very well with the audience. I have to ask: why is her performance outfit so tacky when she looked so good at the audition? Mindy loudly sings “Oops! …I Did It Again,” which is perhaps meant to have a connection to the outfits they wore at the end of the last episode? And also, WHY is she singing an American pop song in English? Has anyone been to Crazy Horse before, and if so, can you report whether they would do something like that there?

Backstage, Nico is confused and relieved by Mindy's performance and irritated by Benoit's presence. On the way out, Benoit confesses to Emily in private that he is sad that he let “someone great” get away. Emily reaches for her phone and I write in my notes if she texts Gabriel and not Marcello again I swear to GOD I will jump into my TV and burn all her fishing hats and luckily for all of us – me, the TV, the hats – she sends a text message to the Italian stallion.

She and Marcello have a very beautiful Before sunrise-a sort of evening full of walks, conversations and sunrise over the city. Unfortunately, he is flying back to Rome today. And all they did was hold hands!

At the apartment, Emily is wearing this awesome oversized red sweater…almost like something Sylvie would wear…she's studying! Mindy encourages Emily to keep “getting her passport stamped” and says that Nico is struggling with the Benoit situation, which is the exact same storyline as last time, so why are we doing this again?

At the Bavazza party, Luc is drunk on all the Bavazzatinis and Julien is wearing an obscene number of giant rose brooches on his lapels. Gabriel is there with that sad, floppy, early Bieber-era hairdo. Emily is trying to save their friendship again. I hate to agree with Gabriel, but he says they should take their time for now, and of course I agree. And then Marcello comes along! “I'd rather miss a flight than a party,” is his excellent mantra. Good thing Emily was wearing the scarf he gave her! Marcello tells Gabriel how he and Emily met, like any sane person would, and calls the friend in question an idiot, and Gabriel says, “I completely agree.” He politely excuses himself, and for some crazy reason Emily runs after him. To do what? To explain?! He WAS an idiot; let it go.

While Emily runs after Gabriel, Sylvie introduces herself to Marcello. Her Italian is impeccable, of course, but for some reason they speak English. He hints at a “business opportunity” alongside Polo that brought him to town, then goes off to find Emily, whom he invites to Rome for a week. He'll send her a ticket! Finally, in this show, we get a good kiss, his hand on her chin, and his “tell me you'll think about it.” Emily, what is there to think about? I bet she's never taken a single vacation day. Time to cash it in! Being left on that mountain was the best thing that ever happened to her.