With Not My Job guest John Leguizamo : NPR

JENNIFER MILLS, BYLINE: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Forget pumpkin spice latte season. I’m all the basic b**** you need.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: I’m Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we’re going to be talking to actor John Leguizamo about his new documentary series for PBS. The man has starred in 100 movies and TV shows. But he’s finally made it to the promised land – public broadcasting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, you can skip right to the front of the line and be on the air now. Just call us to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Let’s welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You’re on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.

KEVIN TEALE: Hi. This is Kevin Teale (ph) from Des Moines, Iowa.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Des Moines, Kevin?

TEALE: Very nice for the summer. Heat wave’s gone, so we’re getting ready for fall.

SAGAL: That’s good. What do you – you sound like you’re from Iowa, and I love it. What do you do there?

TEALE: I’m currently retired, working down that bucket list of things everybody does when they retire.

SAGAL: OK, like…

TEALE: And I have to say…

SAGAL: Yeah.

TEALE: …Being on the show today is one of those bucket list things.

HELEN HONG: Yay.

KURTIS: Great.

SAGAL: OK. That’s great.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, we are honored to make that list. Let me introduce you to our panel, Kevin. First up, she’s the host of the trivia podcast “Go Fact Yourself,” which now airs weekends on Southern California Public Radio, LAist 89.3. It’s Helen Hong.

HONG: Hi. Hi.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Next, he’s a comedian headlining the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase October 3 through the 5 and the Atlanta Punchline October 17 through the 19. It’s Hari Kondabolu.

HARI KONDABOLU: Hey, Kevin.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And a humorist and woodworker who is the founder of HatchSpace community wood shop and school in Brattleboro, Vermont. He can make one hell of a spice rack. It’s Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: Hello, Kevin.

TEALE: Hello, Tom.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, Kevin, welcome to the show. You’re going to play Who’s Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is now going to read for you three quotations from this week’s news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

TEALE: Ready to go.

SAGAL: OK, your first quote is from Baltimore Orioles play-by-play broadcaster Kevin Brown.

KURTIS: The White Sox have just gone full White Sox.

SAGAL: Brown was reacting to yet another Chicago White Sox loss as they approach the Major League Baseball record for what?

TEALE: Most losses in a season – I think 107, 108 right now.

SAGAL: You’re very good, yes.

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SAGAL: And they, of course, are not.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Chicago White Sox are on track to end the season, if they go according to their current pace, with a record of 36 wins and 126 losses, which would be the worst record in baseball’s modern era. Now, for decades, the White Sox have tried to get just a fraction of the national attention the Chicago Cubs always get. And congrats, guys. You found a way.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: I love this team, Peter. I love this team.

SAGAL: You love – tell me the things you love about it, Hari.

KONDABOLU: I love the fact they make regular people feel like they, too, could play Major League Baseball.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Yeah, I – that’s exactly – that was my impression. I was like, I could be on that team. I could do just as well.

SAGAL: You know, if you say that one more time, you might get a call from them.

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These are things that really happened to the White Sox this season. A player was hit in the face by a warmup throw. A game against the Braves was delayed because they couldn’t find their first base coach.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: What?

SAGAL: It’s possible he defected.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And just this week in Baltimore, three players ran into each other trying to catch a ball. They did not catch the ball, and three runs scored.

(OOHING)

BODETT: I could play on this team, Hari.

KONDABOLU: Yeah, I’m saying…

BODETT: I could.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: The three of us could play on this team.

BODETT: Yeah.

KONDABOLU: I mean, it comes from the top down. You know, the manager, Grady Sizemore, yeah, he’s been asked a lot of questions about this – about all these losses. He said, quote, “it’s not about wins. It’s just about competing and playing together as a team.” Nah, bro. It’s about wins.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Totally about wins, yeah.

KONDABOLU: Oh, it’s definitely – there’s no participation trophies…

SAGAL: Yeah, but…

KONDABOLU: …In the Major League.

SAGAL: Well, some traditionalists are against it, but the league will be letting the White Sox hit from a tee for the rest of the season.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Kevin, here is your next quote.

KURTIS: Bloody hell, my 44th birthday is in a few days.

SAGAL: I was a social science researcher reacting to a new study that discovered we rapidly do what at age 44 and then again at age 60?

TEALE: I’d say mental health decline.

SAGAL: Everything declines. I’ll give it to you.

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SAGAL: We age rapidly at those two points. A new study by scientists at Stanford has shown that most people don’t age gradually, as you might have thought. Instead, you have basically aging spurts. The first big wave is at 44, and the second is when you realize that all of your favorite child stars are on TV, doing commercials for prescription drugs.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: I’m 41 right now. So does that mean I have, like, three more years…

SAGAL: …Of youth.

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

HONG: Sorry. You fall off a cliff.

KONDABOLU: So I can’t – so this is the time to go full-on rumspringa?

SAGAL: Absolutely. Yes.

KONDABOLU: This is the time.

SAGAL: Yes.

BODETT: No, this is when you start working on your delusions.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: When I was 44, that was still four years before I decided to have two more children. So, I mean, that’s delusion.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Yeah, that was poor decision-making.

KURTIS: (Laughter).

BODETT: And the other milestone was what?

SAGAL: Sixty – apparently, it happens again at 60.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah. So…

BODETT: Yeah. Yeah. What I really notice there is, like, before 60, like, you still have your strength, you know? You can still do things. And if something wouldn’t, like, go – it was stuck – you pull harder, and it would go. But after 60, you pull harder and something in you goes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: You still have the strength, but it’s not connected to anything anymore.

SAGAL: Yeah. It’s not the jar that opens.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This all has to do, by the way, with the biochemical markers of aging rather than, say, your appearance. Scientists analyzed thousands of stool samples and nasal swabs from people at various ages. And the results suggest that there’s a significant leap in aging at age 44 because that’s when people realize, oh, my God – I have grown up to be somebody who analyzes stool samples for a living.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Right? I think – I’m 69 this year, and I think there’s another milestone. It’s a mental thing. Like, you know how you’re going around the house – you have your phone or something in your hand – you’re doing – you set it down, and then you just can’t find it?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: Where did you set it down, you know? And that’s your whole life – right? – you know, north of 60.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: But something happened this week where – it was a Popsicle.

SAGAL: Oh, that’s a problem.

HONG: Oh, no.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: ‘Cause then there’s a…

HONG: ‘Cause now you’re on a timer.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah. There’s a ticking – there’s a clock.

BODETT: That really raises the stakes.

HONG: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: And you can’t call Siri to a Popsicle.

BODETT: No, there’s no, like, find-me beep or anything.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You just know it’s making a mess somewhere, and you can’t remember where.

HONG: Wow. And did you get to it in time, Tom?

BODETT: Yeah, and it was on the bathroom sink. So it wasn’t a horrible thing.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Your last quote is from a New York TikTok design influencer named Lynzi Judish, talking about her latest innovation in home decor.

KURTIS: I feel like I made very unintentional rage bait.

SAGAL: Miss Judish worries that she might have gone too far when she helped spread the trend of decorating the inside of your what?

TEALE: Kitchen.

SAGAL: It’s in your kitchen. People decorate their kitchen because normally you can see the kitchen, but this is, like, taking that to the nth degree. I’ll give you a…

TEALE: How about refrigerator?

KURTIS: Yeah, good.

SAGAL: Yes, the inside of your refrigerator.

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SAGAL: It is called fridgescaping (ph)…

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: …Not to be confused with fridge scraping, when you remove whatever has been stuck to the bottom of the crisper for the last year.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Fridgescapers (ph) will decorate the inside of their fridges with matching containers, elegantly arranged vegetables and mood lighting, sometimes including candles. Miss Judish even does themes inside her refrigerator, like a British royal theme she calls Fridgerton (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Which is great ’cause no one will disturb the display because now they’re too nauseous to eat.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: But…

HONG: I do this.

SAGAL: No, you don’t.

HONG: I do. I have vases in my fridge, and by vases, I mean old jars of spaghetti sauce that I forgot were back there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, and there’s something growing in them.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: So they’re like vases, right?

HONG: Right.

BODETT: Right. It is. That’s our fridge. It’s more like gardening than decorating.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Are there little paintings in there, too? Like, what is…

SAGAL: Well, I mean, if – you can look at pictures – look on TikTok, where there are, you know, all kinds of these trends. They’re basically like – you know, like still lifes. And, you know, like, there’s some carrots next to some beautifully arranged asparagus. It’s nice. Other – people do it in themes. Other themes include enchanted forest, edible flowers and mushrooms or perhaps the recently-divorced-guy theme, which is eight soy sauce packets, half a bottle of flat beer and an Ikea Allen wrench he’s been looking for for a month.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: …And a half-melted Popsicle.

HONG: ‘Cause he’s 42 (ph).

SAGAL: And a half-melted Popsicle.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kevin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Kevin was so good. He got three in a row, which gives you a perfect score, Kevin.

(CHEERING)

TEALE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Kevin, thank you so much for playing.

TEALE: You’re welcome.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF THE JOHN BARRY SEVEN’S “THE LOLLY THEME”)

SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week’s news. Helen, the Chicago Sky WNBA team recently announced that they’ll be replacing their current mascot. That’s because their current mascot is a what?

HONG: Is it a cloud in the sky?

SAGAL: No, although that’s not a bad…

HONG: Is their current mascot a white sock?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What are the chances?

HONG: Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: I can give you a hint. What’s interesting about this mascot is that he would not be allowed to play in the WNBA.

HONG: Oh, a man?

SAGAL: It’s a man.

HONG: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. The Chicago Sky WNBA team is finally getting rid of the mascot they’ve had since the team was founded in 2006, a masked and muscly man named Sky Guy, because nothing says female empowerment like an unidentified male watching women exercise.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wow.

BODETT: Isn’t that kind of “Revenge Of The Cheerleaders” stuff, though? I mean, like…

SAGAL: Kind of like…

BODETT: …Man sports, they have – well, you know, you got…

SAGAL: Yeah, I guess so. Well, I mean, but everybody does love his halftime show, where he comes out and explains to the women how to play basketball.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Sky has unveiled his replacement. It’s a new mascot, Skye the Lioness, whose uniform number will be zero, zero, representing, we assume, boobs.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: This is also just, like, typical male-management thinking, being like, all right, we got to get rid of the guy. Do we go with a girl? Nah – an animal. Let’s just pick an animal.

SAGAL: Pick an animal.

HONG: Go with that.

SAGAL: A predator now – at least that.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: It’s based on the lions – the famous lions at the Chicago Art Institute. The two mascots will share duties through the end of the season, at which point Skye the Lioness will eat Sky Guy alive inside the court (ph).

HONG: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “CIRCLE OF LIFE/NANTS’ INGONYAMA”)

TSIDII LE LOKA: (Singing in Zulu).

SAGAL: Coming up, clean up in aisle nine. It’s our Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We’ll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I’m Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Tom Bodett, Hari Kondabolu and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now it is time for the WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air, or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page – @WaitWaitNPR. You’ll find all the information you need there. Hi. you’re on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.

REBECCA: Hi. This is Rebecca (ph) from Grand Rapids, Mich.

SAGAL: Hey, Rebecca. How are things in Grand Rapids?

REBECCA: Oh, they’re OK. It’s almost fall, so that’s good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I’m just going to comment – that was not overly enthusiastic.

REBECCA: (Laughter).

BODETT: You’re not with the Chamber of Commerce, are you?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you from Grand Rapids?

REBECCA: I grew up here, but then I spent a long time in Philadelphia and San Francisco.

SAGAL: Yeah.

REBECCA: And that’s where I left my heart.

SAGAL: I understand…

KONDABOLU: Oh.

SAGAL: …As is traditional. I understand. OK, well…

REBECCA: Yeah.

SAGAL: Welcome to our show, Rebecca. You’re going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Rebecca’s topic?

KURTIS: Trouble at the grocery store.

SAGAL: Supermarkets have all kinds of problems. There are supply chain issues. There are milk spills – the guy who keeps squeezing the other customers and yelling, not ripe yet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, we heard about another problem plaguing a grocer somewhere in the world. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one, and you’ll win the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

REBECCA: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Let’s hear first from Helen Hong.

HONG: A grocery store in Italy is dealing with a Mafia shakedown that’s way more adorable than “Goodfellas.” The Sicilian town of Bendoti (ph) has been plagued by a gang of street dogs that are menacing shops into paying them protection fees in the form of deli meats.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: A pack of about 20 dogs maraud from shop to shop, and if they’re not tossed at least a few slices of salami, they block the entrance, growling and barking at potential customers. (Impersonating Italian accent) Back in the day, we used to have to pay off the Mafia. Now we have to pay off the Pawfia (ph), complains the owner of the only grocery store holding out. (Imitating dog barking), exclaimed one of the gang members.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Which probably means, (impersonating Italian accent) why is this guy being so stingy? We just want to wet our beaks. We’ll even take bologna. Thank you.

SAGAL: You’re welcome.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Grocery store in Sicily getting threatened by the Pawfia, a pack of dogs who demand cold cuts as tribute. Your next story of something mucking up the mart comes from Tom Bodett.

BODETT: In the Spanish city of Bilbao, police responded Tuesday to a flash mob of hopeful romantics packed inside a Mercadona food store looking for love. Singles have been drawn to the supermarket chain across Spain after a TikTok video gone viral claimed they can find romance if they visit between 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. and put a pineapple upside down in their trolley. Other items in someone’s trolley provide clues about their intentions. Chocolates or sweets mean the person is looking for long-term relationships or something more serious.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: A wobbly wheel means you are not paying attention at all and probably came in for pineapple and dates to actually eat…

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: …Which is the problem. But it’s a problem rival grocery chain Lidl would like to have. They’ve launched their campaign to encourage customer hookups in its stores but with watermelons. Eggplants, watch your six.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A grocery store in Spain overwhelmed by people who come in not to shop but to signal to each other their willingness to mix using upside-down pineapples. Your last supermarket snag comes from Hari Kondabolu.

KONDABOLU: Indian supermarket chain Reliance Fresh supermarkets are dealing with protests around the country after rumors of the return of classic Indian soda Gold Spot proved to be false. Gold Spot was a hugely popular orange soda that was discontinued after Coca-Cola entered the Indian market because, you know, capitalism.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Older Indians, ranging from 35 to 80, lined up to be the first to receive new bottles of Gold Spot, holding banners reading, you kids don’t know what’s good, which is actually quite funny when translated into Hindi.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: The stores attempting to pacify the angry mobs gave away free cans of orange Fanta, which were instantly thrown back, exploding like Molotov cocktails and drenching employees with an inferior orange soda.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Coca-Cola released a statement saying they, quote, “stand behind Fanta during this troubling time. And though it’s not provable, it’s a shame Pepsi would stoop to this.”

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So one of these things happened at a supermarket or supermarkets somewhere in the world.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Was it from Helen Hong, a supermarket in Sicily being, well, held for hostage by a pack of wild dogs who demand their daily cold cuts; from Tom Bodett, a supermarket in Spain that is being overrun by hot young people interested in meeting each other, which they’re signaling with pineapples; or from Hari Kondabolu, a supermarket beset by protesters demanding the return of their favorite orange soda? Which of these is the real story of supermarket travails in the news?

REBECCA: I think I’m going to go with Tom.

SAGAL: You’re going to go with Tom’s story about the supermarket singles scene. Well, we spoke to someone who knows all about this real story.

GRACE SNELLING: You would grab a pineapple, place it upside down in the cart and bump into the cart of whoever you’re interested in.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That was Grace Snelling, a reporter at Fast Company, who reported on the pineapple takeover at the Spanish grocery store. Congratulations, Rebecca. You got it right.

(APPLAUSE)

REBECCA: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: You earned a point for Tom Bodett. But more importantly, you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose for your voicemail. Congratulations, and well done.

REBECCA: Thank you so much. I’m very excited.

SAGAL: Thank you.

BODETT: Thanks, Rebecca.

SAGAL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “LOST IN THE SUPERMARKET”)

THE CLASH: (Singing) I’m all lost in the supermarket. I can no longer shop happily.

SAGAL: And now the game where we ask people to answer questions about things they know nothing about. It’s called Not My Job. John Leguizamo came up in the theater and stand-up scenes of 1980s New York, but his first big film role was as Luigi in the movie “Super Mario Brothers.” And according to him, after three decades of film, TV, theater and activism, he has just about made up for that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: His latest project is “Voces American Historia: The Untold History Of Latinos,” which premieres September 27 on PBS. John Leguizamo, welcome back to WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.

JOHN LEGUIZAMO: Oh, it’s so good to be back. I’ve missed you guys.

SAGAL: It’s great to have you.

(APPLAUSE)

LEGUIZAMO: Been too long.

SAGAL: I know. We were just waiting for – wondering when you were going to call, man. It’s so good to talk to you again. And we’re so excited to get you now because we’ve been following your career obviously for many decades, and we’re so excited you have finally reached the pinnacle of achievement – public broadcasting.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: Yes, an overnight success after 40 years.

SAGAL: I know. But was it weird? ‘Cause maybe I’m wrong, but everything you’ve done has been in Hollywood and TV and New York theater and touring theater. Public broadcasting fans tend to be a little more passive-aggressive.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So expect people to say to you, so, John, what did you think of your series?

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: And don’t worry – I’m an actor. I’ll tell them exactly…

SAGAL: (Laughter).

LEGUIZAMO: …How much I love myself.

SAGAL: So the series, “American Historia: The Untold History Of Latinos,” I understand, was inspired by one of your many one-man shows, in this case, your own personal examination of Latino history, right?

LEGUIZAMO: Yes. You know, it was based on Latino – Latin history from morons because I learned my son was being bullied, and I wanted to give him – weaponize his knowledge and his history of his people. You know, I didn’t know we finished building the railroads. I didn’t realize we were the first fighters to create unions in the 1930s. And then, you know, we’ve been persecuted, but we’ve also contributed so much. We just reached a milestone last year. We contributed $3.2 trillion to the GDP yearly as a Latino culture.

SAGAL: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: Wow.

LEGUIZAMO: So I want some [expletive] back.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I understand. My son is a huge fan of yours. And by that, of course…

LEGUIZAMO: Aw.

SAGAL: …I mean because of your “Ice Age” movies and TV shows.

LEGUIZAMO: Yes. I’m so happy to hear that.

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo.

LEGUIZAMO: (Impersonating Sid the sloth) We’re about to do “Ice Age” six – six.

(CHEERING)

BODETT: Wow.

SAGAL: You are, as you just reminded everybody, Sid the sloth. First of all, I got to ask – did your kids love that growing up because they were just about the right age – right? – based on, I think, when the movies came out?

LEGUIZAMO: No, they were weirded out by their father, you know, the way I look and then doing that voice, and they were like – they were too young. It’s weird. You know, a lot of parents come up to me, they go, oh, you know who this is? Sid the sloth. Then I go, sir, it’s not going to work out…

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: …Not (ph) to your son. And they go, no, do the voice. And I do the voice of Sid – (impersonating Sid the sloth) hi. This is “Ice Age.” And the kids are, like, freaked out ’cause they see this face.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: And they don’t get it. They don’t get it.

SAGAL: Yeah. I – Ray Romano…

LEGUIZAMO: Romano.

SAGAL: …Was on the show, and I told him the same thing – oh, my son’s a big fan ’cause of the mammoth. He’s like, yeah, don’t tell your son you talk to me. It’s just going to mess him up.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: It’s going to ruin them, yeah.

SAGAL: We read – so you play – for those unlucky not to have seen the 4,000 “Ice Age” movies and TV shows and video games – you play Sid the sloth – the prehistoric sloth, and we read that you actually got really deep into the research for his voice. Is that right?

LEGUIZAMO: Well, you know, yeah, ’cause I did, like, 50 voices for the director, Chris Wedge, and he wouldn’t – he said, they’re – I just want you to do your voice. I go, I don’t want to do my voice. I want to do a voice. I’m an actor. So I did, you know, (imitating Southern accent) a Southern voice for the sloth ’cause he’s slow. Then I went a little more ghetto one – come on. What you want? What you want? And he goes, nah. So then I got Discovery Channel footage, and I saw that sloths stored food in their cheek pouches, and they – it would ferment and they’d get drunk. And so I started eating a sandwich.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: And I put it in my cheek pouches, and I walked around the house waiting for it to ferment, and it didn’t.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: But what happened was then I got slushy – slushy in my mouth. And I called the director – (impersonating Sid the sloth) Chris, guess who this is? And he was like, I have no idea. (Impersonating Sid the sloth) Sid the sloth. I found myself. And that’s how did the voice.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That’s amazing.

HONG: You do belong on PBS.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Next time I’m sitting watching the movies with my son, I’m going to say, you know, that’s historically accurate.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You – among the many, many things you do, you’ve done these one-man shows, where you play all these characters. And as you just demonstrated, you’re really, really, really good at voices. Have you ever used that power for evil?

LEGUIZAMO: Yes, of course. I mean, when I was much younger, it was great ’cause people – you know, when the school would complain, they would call my house, and I would answer as my mom. And I’d go, (impersonating Spanish accent) oh, he – what? No, he’s fantastic. Oh, you want to expel him? Well, spell it for me. And I would mess with them for hours, and they wouldn’t be able to expel me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

LEGUIZAMO: They tried to expel me, yeah.

SAGAL: Did your mother know you were doing that?

LEGUIZAMO: No.

SAGAL: No.

LEGUIZAMO: But now – she knows now ’cause you blabbered.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You mentioned your mother. We also read that, like, your mother, to this day, sees, like, everything you do and offers a critique afterwards.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, my mom’s very judgmental.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: And I think I get it from her a little bit. We both watch PBS too much.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know, man. I’m telling you.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: And she does – she comes to every show, and, like, she sits front row. And then she comes afterwards – (impersonating Spanish accent) oh, John, that was fantastic, but I didn’t really like the punch line. It didn’t really hit the way I thought it would hit. It didn’t murder. And I was like, mom, please stop criticizing. You’re just my mom. Just be unconditionally loving for once.

SAGAL: Wait a minute.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, you started as a stand-up. You’ve been doing that – this for a long time. And your mother actually critiques you in, like, stand-up…

LEGUIZAMO: She always does.

SAGAL: She’s like, oh…

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, I mean, it’s like – I go, mom, you’re not a director. You’re not in the business. Stop giving me, you know, notes. I don’t need your notes.

SAGAL: Really? Does she…

LEGUIZAMO: I’m 60 years old. Stop giving me notes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Does she, like, pitch you jokes? I think they’ll be a…

LEGUIZAMO: No, she doesn’t pitch jokes. She just, you know, wants to change this, change that, fix this, cut that, trim – kill your darlings.

SAGAL: Is she going to critique this? Is she going to listen and go, oh, I don’t think you talked about me enough?

LEGUIZAMO: I’m not going to tell her about this.

SAGAL: OK, yeah. All right. That’s fine.

LEGUIZAMO: That’s the only way to keep her away.

SAGAL: Well, John Leguizamo, it is such a pleasure to talk to you again. And this time, we have asked you here to play a game that we’re calling…

KURTIS: Can we fix it? Yes, we can.

SAGAL: So this year – as I’m sure you know because everybody’s been celebrating, this year marks the 25th anniversary of “Bob The Builder”…

LEGUIZAMO: Oh, wow.

SAGAL: …The beloved kids show about a British contractor whose trucks are alive. So in honor of that, we’re going to ask you three questions about – I guess we’d call them Mr. Builder. Get 2 out of 3 right, you’ll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is John Leguizamo playing for?

KURTIS: Nora Wing (ph) of Ithaca, N.Y.

SAGAL: All right. Here’s your first question. You ready?

LEGUIZAMO: Go for it.

SAGAL: Here we go.

LEGUIZAMO: I’ll do my best.

SAGAL: “Bob The Builder” is popular around the world, but some changes needed to be made internationally for – to show there, including which of these? A, in France, they had to add clocks to the background to prove that no one goes over their 35-hour approved work week…

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: …B, in Canada, Bob always includes maple syrup as a construction material in his projects; or C, in Japan, they had to add a fifth finger to his animated four-finger hand so that kids did not think Bob the builder was a member of the yakuza.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: Oh, shoot. That’s – I’m going to go with Canada and maple syrup ’cause it sounds ridiculous but probable.

SAGAL: So you think that “Bob The Builder” in Canada – they just cut in things as a, now, to – like, to make sure this sticks, here’s some maple syrup. That’s…

LEGUIZAMO: Then they go, eh (ph) – sorry, eh?

SAGAL: Oh, wow.

(CROSSTALK)

LEGUIZAMO: …Eh.

SAGAL: I thought I was in – that was amazing. I thought I was in Toronto. No.

LEGUIZAMO: (Laughter).

SAGAL: The answer was actually C. You see, as is well-known in Japan, if you’re a yakuza member, and you displease your boss, they cut off one of your fingers. So a four-fingered animated character would have unpleasant…

LEGUIZAMO: Oh, wow.

SAGAL: …Connotations.

HONG: Ooh.

LEGUIZAMO: That’s dark.

SAGAL: It is. It really is.

LEGUIZAMO: Didn’t want to go that dark.

SAGAL: All right. Here’s your next question, John. You have two more chances. “Bob The Builder” is more than just a very popular kids TV show. Which of these is another example of Bob’s cultural dominance? A, he once went to No. 1 on the UK singles charts with a cover of “Mambo No. 5″…

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: …B, Alexander McQueen had an entire runway show of…

LEGUIZAMO: (Laughter).

SAGAL: …”Bob The Builder” inspired designs; or C, he had a bestselling cookbook called “Can You Bake It? Yes, You Can.”

LEGUIZAMO: (Laughter) Oh, man. I’ma go with A.

SAGAL: You’re going to – with A. You’re right. Yes. He did a…

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

LEGUIZAMO: Woo. Finally.

SAGAL: …Cover of “Mambo No. 5.”

(APPLAUSE)

LEGUIZAMO: What a relief.

SAGAL: All right, you have one more question. If you get this right, you win. “Bob The Builder” popped up in a surprising place a few years ago, when people browsing the on-demand menu of Britain’s Channel 5 saw a picture of Bob as the image representing what show? A, the season premiere of “Britain’s Got Talent”; B, a documentary about 9/11; or C, the movie “Eyes Wide Shut.”

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: “Eyes Wide Shut” – it’s sort of the sexual – all the sexual…

SAGAL: Yes, I know. Yes.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah.

SAGAL: Just Bob – you know, just imagine Bob the builder wearing one of those weird masks that Tom Cruise was having, you know?

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

LEGUIZAMO: I’m not – I won’t picture that.

SAGAL: No.

LEGUIZAMO: So I’m going to go with A again.

SAGAL: You’re going to go with A again, “Britain’s Got Talent,” the idea of, like, oh, this guy’s got talent. He can build stuff.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, he can build things, right? I mean…

SAGAL: Yeah. Sadly, the answer was B, a documentary about 9/11.

LEGUIZAMO: I mean, wait. No, I meant B. I meant B.

SAGAL: You meant B? Oh, he meant B. He meant B, Bill.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He meant B.

KURTIS: Let’s give it to him.

SAGAL: Yeah, OK.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I’m sure…

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

LEGUIZAMO: Did I say A?

SAGAL: I mean, I thought I had misheard you. And, of course, you were right.

LEGUIZAMO: I have an accent. I have a New York City accent.

SAGAL: Exactly.

HONG: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah, and I…

LEGUIZAMO: A, B…

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.

KURTIS: Oh, that was it (laughter).

SAGAL: You know, apparently if – the way it worked was if Channel 5 – you know, this is how it works. You turn on your streaming service. There are these icons indicating the shows you could be watching. And when…

LEGUIZAMO: True.

SAGAL: …Channel 5 – they didn’t happen to have a picture to go with any given show. They just plugged in a picture from “Bob The Builder.” So Bob was the image for this 9/11 documentary and also something called “Murdered By My Daughter.”

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, Bill, how did John Leguizamo do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Two out of three.

SAGAL: Yay.

LEGUIZAMO: Is that a fact (ph)?

KURTIS: Well, you did good.

(APPLAUSE)

LEGUIZAMO: Amazing. I’m brilliant. I belong on PBS.

SAGAL: John Leguizamo is an actor, writer and producer whose new series “Voces American Historia: The Untold History Of Latinos” premieres on PBS September 27. John Leguizamo, what a great thing to talk to you again. Thank you so much for spending your time with us.

LEGUIZAMO: Oh, thank you. It was fun.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Good luck with the show. We’ll see you next time.

LEGUIZAMO: Thank you. Thank you – so fun.

SAGAL: Take care. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “MAMBO NO. 5”)

NEIL MORRISSEY: (As Bob the builder, singing) One, two, three, four, five, everybody’s outside, so come on, let’s ride to the builder’s yard around the corner.

SAGAL: In just a minute, the one word you cannot say in church. That’s in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We’ll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME from NPR.

KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I’m Bill Kurtis. We’re playing this week with Hari Kondabolu, Tom Bodett and Helen Hong. And here again, is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.

SAGAL: Thank you so much.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill finally gets around to watching the hit movie “Oppenrhymer (ph).”

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you’d like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week’s news. Tom, office workers around the world are suffering from a new condition – dead what syndrome?

BODETT: Dead ass.

SAGAL: Yes, dead butt syndrome.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODETT: Yeah. Yeah.

SAGAL: Yep.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Dead butt syndrome is a condition where you sit for so long that your butt doesn’t just fall asleep; your butt muscles actually forget how to work.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Yeah. It’s technically called gluteal amnesia.

HONG: What?

SAGAL: But that does not mean that you have forgotten that you have a butt. Imagine that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Imagine if that were the case. Every time you’d sit down, you’d be like, oh, what’s that thing?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know, this is a real thing. Apparently, if this happens, the rest of your body starts trying to compensate with your, like, core muscles, and that can cause lots of pain. It happened to Tiger Woods, for real, we are told.

BODETT: Right. How does the rest of the body compensate for what the butt does?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I mean, how would your shoulders step in there?

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: It’d be, like, they’d just get more bulbous and…

SAGAL: Yeah. I don’t know exactly.

HONG: I don’t know.

SAGAL: Helen, according to a new study, one-third of people in Britain think that if asked, they could do what?

HONG: Get with somebody really hot. Think they could….

BODETT: That’s probably true.

HONG: …Put out a fire.

SAGAL: I’m sure there’s probably far more than a third of people who think that.

HONG: Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: What? You need a hint, Sherlock?

HONG: Oh, they could solve murders.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yeah.

SAGAL: They think that they could solve a murder.

HONG: Whoa.

SAGAL: Well, of course, British people can solve a murder ’cause if you watch any British crime shows…

HONG: …They always get solved by British people.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the technique, if you watch enough, it’s very simple. What you do is you look around town, you check with the people who knew the victim, and if any of them have ever appeared in a “Harry Potter” film, that’s the culprit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But if you think about it, given how many murders that seem to be happening in, like, every little small parish and seaside town in Great Britain, it’s more than likely that a third of Britons are actually murderers.

BODETT: I mean, it’s an old country, and they’ve been cooped up on that island together for…

SAGAL: They have, yeah.

BODETT: …A long time. And they probably have a lot of murder fantasies.

SAGAL: ‘Cause they’re constantly fantasizing about killing someone.

BODETT: So they’re confident. Like, I know how I would do it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So what they’re saying is, yeah, I could solve the murder. It would probably be me, given the way I’m feeling.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But I can’t blame them for thinking they can do whatever they see people doing on TV. After watching the Olympics, I definitely think I could breakdance.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tom, if you’re an employee in Japan, you can now pay a company to do what on your behalf?

BODETT: If you’re an employee – to quit.

SAGAL: Yes.

KONDABOLU: Yes.

BODETT: Wow.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You can pay someone to quit your job for you.

KONDABOLU: I love that.

HONG: What? Did you just guess that?

BODETT: I did.

SAGAL: It’s a new…

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: It’s a new…

BODETT: I’m trying to think. What’s the worst thing as an employee that you have to do? It’s like…

SAGAL: Well, OK. Let me explain it, and then I’m going to ask you a question. So this is a new company called Exit, and frustrated workers in Japan can pay to have someone else call up and quit your job for you. The standard service costs 200 bucks, but most employees recommend adding the $100 making-a-scene bonus package.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hello. I am here to relay a message on behalf of Julie (ph), specifically to screw you, Mark (ph), and screw especially you, Linda (ph). Finally, will someone kindly direct me to the conference room, where I have been instructed to take a dump?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That’s an awesome service.

HONG: That says so much about the Japanese culture and how different it is from American culture.

SAGAL: I totally get that. But, Tom, you said you would pay for someone to do that. But isn’t, like, quitting your job, like, something that we all look forward to?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You know, I never really had a job.

SAGAL: Well, that is all hypothetical.

KONDABOLU: Yeah. Yeah.

BODETT: So I would have thought it’d be really difficult, you know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: ‘Cause you’re letting somebody down, you know?

HONG: No. Taking the dump…

BODETT: No?

HONG: …Part is the best part.

BODETT: Right. Right.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Yeah.

BODETT: Maybe I’ve been – I’ve tried to be a really good employer when I’ve…

HONG: Oh, no.

BODETT: … Employed people. So…

HONG: No, this is what you do. You go directly into the office kitchen. You put a whole fish in there in the microwave. You’ve said it on, like, 14 minutes. Suck it.

BODETT: So when my former office manager did that, she was sending me a message?

HONG: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I get it.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT”)

JOHNNY PAYCHECK: (Singing) Take this job and shove it. I ain’t working here no more. My woman done left and took all the reason I was working for. You better not try to stand in my way as I’m a-walkin’ out the door. Take this job and shove it.

SAGAL: Coming up, it’s Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it’s the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you’d like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. For tickets and information for all of our live shows, just go over to nprpresents.org. And be sure to check out our new sister podcast, How To Do Everything, hosted by our producers, Mike and Ian. This week, they try to help the astronauts stranded on the space station look their best.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi. You’re on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.

ALEX: Hi. This is Alex from Jersey City, N.J.

SAGAL: Hey, Ali from Jersey. What do you do there?

ALEX: I’m a former teacher, and now I am a stay-at-home mom to two boys.

SAGAL: Oh, a stay-at-home mom with two boys. How old are your boys?

ALEX: Three 1/2 and 1 1/2.

SAGAL: Oh, my God. Wait a minute. Are you my wife?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ‘Cause I also have a 3 1/2 and a 1 1/2-year-old boy. How are your guys doing?

ALEX: You know.

SAGAL: No, I do.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Alex, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is now going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you’ll be a winner. You ready to play?

ALEX: Yeah. I’m ready.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your first limerick.

KURTIS: Wearing flip flops to play is a fickle call. This new upgrade from Reebok should tickle y’all. For this old people’s sport on an undersized court, these new shoes are a must to play…

ALEX: Pickleball.

SAGAL: Pickleball.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If your 40-yard dash time is of course not, this is the athletic shoe for you. The Reebok’s x Recess Nano is just the thing you need to dominate the court built where children used to have a place to play.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These new shoes, we are told by Reebok, are specially made for pickleball’s constant side-to-side movement. It’s amazing. I was having such a hard time playing in my forward-only Nikes.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: I mean, I would buy that, just because I don’t – I was playing pickleball, like, a year ago, and I tore multiple calf muscles playing it. And then two elderly gentlemen had to carry me to the other side of the gym.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: And one of them had a Life Alert bracelet on, and…

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: So if that – those shoes can help, then maybe…

HONG: What was your choice of footwear at the time?

KONDABOLU: Just sneakers.

PETER SAGAL AND TOM BODETT: Yeah?

KONDABOLU: Yeah.

HONG: Oh.

KONDABOLU: No, no.

SAGAL: Can I give you some advice about that? Never tell that story again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Our worship group’s left in the lurch. For new congregants, we’re on a search. But Episcopal terms make most modern folks squirm, so our church will not call itself…

ALEX: Church?

SAGAL: Church, yes.

KURTIS: Yes, that was good.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Church of England is dropping the word church.

HONG: No.

SAGAL: Yes. It’s part of their new initiative to bring more people into the fold – by tricking them.

BODETT: Oh, they just call it…

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Now they just call it England?

SAGAL: Something like that.

BODETT: Yeah, I mean, I’ll go.

SAGAL: They built 900 new branches, which is what they call their parishes, in the last 10 years, and not one of them has church in the title.

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Yeah. I can’t wait to go get some me time down at the local Jesus Hole this Sunday.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wait, so what does the sign at the door say?

SAGAL: They call it, like…

HONG: Is it the – mm – of England? Mm?

SAGAL: Yeah. It’s, like, religious center or community center, just not the word church. People don’t like the word church. If they’re really serious about bringing in more people, I have three words – pumpkin spice Eucharist.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Not all movies are major sensations made for overly long adulations. The festival crowd is just endlessly loud. Please stop with the standing…

ALEX: Ovations.

SAGAL: Ovations, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After a movie got a 17-minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival, The Guardian published a plea for people to just start being normal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, yes, we all love Tilda Swinton, but there are limits. A standing ovation should not itself need an intermission.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, the film festivals are suffering from ovation inflation. People are saying, for example, that the new George Clooney movie, which premiered there, must not be any good because it got a standing ovation that only lasted four minutes.

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Right? Which is, like, practically nothing.

HONG: That is…

KURTIS: Really?

HONG: That’s like, you know, at the end of a regular concert, when you know the encore’s coming.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: But they pretend that the encore’s not coming.

SAGAL: Right.

HONG: And they’re like, thank you. Goodnight. And people are like, (cheering) yeah. Even those are, like, three minutes now.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: And they’re terrible.

BODETT: Yeah, and they’re…

HONG: And they come right back out and they’re like, sike.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: We’re not done. And you’re like, well, we knew, ’cause you didn’t play your biggest hit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alex do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Alex, tell your boys you won, 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

ALEX: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “BOOM CLAP”)

CHARLI XCX: (Singing) Boom clap, the sound of my heart. The beat goes on and on and on and on and Boom clap, you make me feel good. Come on to me, come on to me now.

SAGAL: Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

KURTIS: Helen has two. Tom and Hari each have three.

SAGAL: All right. Helen, you’re in second place. That means you’re up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank – on Wednesday, ABC News officially released the rules for next week’s presidential blank.

HONG: Debate.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a bad economic report led the blank to drop 600 points.

HONG: The Dow Jones?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, officials in Paris said they were considering making the Olympic rings on the blank a permanent feature.

HONG: On the Eiffel Tower?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Labor Day, over 10,000 hotel workers across the U.S. went on blank.

HONG: Strike.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a Dutch woman had to leave her Zoom meeting after her cat blanked on camera.

HONG: Pooped.

SAGAL: No, dragged a live pigeon into her living room.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a new study, better eye health could prevent 20% of blank cases.

HONG: Eyeglass wearing cases?

SAGAL: No. Dementia, believe it or not.

HONG: Oh.

SAGAL: On Tuesday, a new study revealed that 1 in 20 people got foodborne illness from not properly blanking their vegetables.

HONG: Washing.

SAGAL: Right. This week…

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: …A house in California was listed for half a million dollars despite the fact that it had been blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

HONG: Slid down a landslide.

SAGAL: No, chopped in half by a falling tree.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After the tree fell on it, the house was left with loose wiring, no ceiling and missing walls, or as a real estate agent actually put it, quote, “an open concept floor plan.”

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The listing says potential buyers could start demolition immediately or, if they want to save some money, just wait a while and see if another tree does it for them. Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz?

KURTIS: Good, Helen – five right, 10 more points, total of 12 and the lead.

SAGAL: All right. Good job. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I am arbitrarily picking Hari to go next. Here we go, Hari. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Foreign Minister Dmytro Kuleba became the latest member of blank’s cabinet to resign his post.

KONDABOLU: Putin.

SAGAL: No, Zelenskyy.

KONDABOLU: That’s – yeah.

SAGAL: On Monday, a former aide for the governor of New York was accused of acting as a spy for blank.

KONDABOLU: China.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to officials, the deal for a cease-fire in blank is 90% complete.

KONDABOLU: Gaza.

SAGAL: Right. On Tuesday…

KONDABOLU: (SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: …The Vatican announced that the blank had started a 12-day trip throughout Southeast Asia.

KONDABOLU: The Pope.

SAGAL: Right. This week…

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: …A British man arrested for grand theft auto was banned from blanking for the next two years.

KONDABOLU: Driving?

SAGAL: No, not just driving, banned from touching any automobiles. On Wednesday, NASA confirmed that a dangerous blank had burned up in the atmosphere over the Philippines.

KONDABOLU: Meteor.

SAGAL: Right – an asteroid.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Last week, a Navy commander was relieved of duty after a photo was released of him…

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: …Firing a rifle without noticing blank.

KONDABOLU: It was turned the wrong way.

SAGAL: I’m going to give it to you. He did not notice that the scope was turned the wrong way.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal unless the ship was under attack and the commander kept saying, we don’t have anything to worry about. I checked through the scope, and the enemy is really, really tiny.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Hari do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got five right, 10 more points. His total is 13, which puts him in the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So how many, then, does Tom Bodett need to win?

KURTIS: Five to tie and six to win.

SAGAL: All right, Tom.

BODETT: Where’s my popsicle?

SAGAL: Here we go.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tom, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, seven Republican-led states filed lawsuits seeking to block the Biden administration’s latest blank relief plan.

BODETT: Student loan.

SAGAL: Right. On Monday…

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: …The Justice Department seized the plane of Venezuelan President blank.

BODETT: Maduro.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, blank pled guilty in his tax evasion case.

BODETT: Hunter Biden.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Department of Labor released a report showing that U.S. blank openings were the lowest they had been since 2021.

BODETT: Job.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The German navy said the British should not look for a, quote, “deeper message” in their recent decision to blank.

BODETT: I don’t know – shell London.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The German navy said that there was no deeper message in their decision to send a warship down the Thames River through the center of London blasting “The Imperial March” from “Star Wars.”

HONG: (Laughter) What? What?

BODETT: That’s what I said. That’s what I said, kind of.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, Joey Chestnut broke his own world record by eating 83 blanks in 10 minutes.

BODETT: Hot dogs.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On – Swiss, the official airline of Switzerland, is modifying their new planes…

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: …Because their new first-class seats were found to be blank.

BODETT: Too square.

SAGAL: No – so heavy, they’d make the plane nosedive.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Oh, God.

SAGAL: Swiss…

BODETT: You’d think the Swiss would have thought of that.

SAGAL: You think. Swiss was forced to add balancing plates to the rear of their aircraft because their new hyper-luxe first-class cabins made them too front-heavy to fly.

HONG: What?

SAGAL: And that’s just the weight of the seats. Also weighing down the first-class passengers, of course, are the chains they forged in life.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Comedy.

SAGAL: Bill, did Tom do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Tom got five rights, 10 more points, 13 – ties with you, so…

KONDABOLU: Oh, all right.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: That was hard.

SAGAL: In just a minute, we’re going to ask our panelists to predict, how will the Chicago White Sox celebrate becoming the worst team in the history of modern baseball?

WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME is the production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions – Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philipp Goedicke writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shayna Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Leiderman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Doornbos and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey and Blythe Roberson. Peter Gwinn took the week off to decorate his fridge.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical directions from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Neuhaus. Our senior producer is Ian Chillag. And the executive producer of WAIT, WAIT… DON’T TELL ME is Mike Danforth.

Now panel, how will the White Sox celebrate having the worst record in baseball history? Hari Kondabolu.

KONDABOLU: They’re headed to space in a shuttle designed by Boeing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Helen Hong.

HONG: Well, they’re definitely not washing their socks.

KURTIS: Ew.

SAGAL: And Tom Bodett.

BODETT: They won’t have to because they’re going to turn management over to the Chicago political machine and somehow win 32 of their last 20 games.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: And if that happens, we’ll tell you about it on WAIT, WAIT…. DON’T TELL ME.

SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Helen Hong, Tom Bodett, Hari Kondabolu. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Ill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you may be. I’m Peter Sagal. We’ll see you next week.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is NPR.

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